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Forever alone or nah?

I often question myself on why I haven’t had much luck in the dating world these last few years. Is it my looks? Is it my personality? Is it a combination of both? Is it the way I dress?Am I off putting? What can it be? These and many other questions plague my mind now more than ever. Everyone around me seems to be moving on with their dating lives… but me? I’ve just been alone. What am I doing wrong? Or maybe it isn’t me. Maybe its the pool of guys in this generation that I’ve been stuck with. I often think that I was born into the wrong generation. I’m not like everyone else my age. It seems like I’m too much for guys my age because I’m not an idiot. No one seems to be able to handle a relationship with me without leaving me hanging or just up and leaving with no warning. Hence the questions that often come up. The common denominator of these failed relationships has been me. Again, what am I doing wrong? I don’t know what a successful relationship looks like because every relationship I have been exposed to growing up failed. So therefore I don’t know how to be in a successful relationship. As with many other things this is something I have to learn on my own. At this point I’m just tired of failing. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I also wonder if this is a generational thing in regards to those who came before me. Am I a part of a generational curse? Whatever it is, it sucks. I feel like my friends feel sorry for me but are glad they aren’t me. Yes I know everything takes time and the last thing I want to do is to have yet another failed relationship on my record but this has been going on for the last few years now. I thought I was going to be married or at least engaged by this time. Boy was I wrong. So very wrong. I don’t know what to do or where to even begin to change/fix things. I spend a lot of time alone these days. They say if you can’t be fine by yourself you can’t be good in a relationship. Well I do like my alone time and being in my own space but I do long for companionship every once in a while. Let’s be real. No one wants to be alone forever. I sure don’t. At this point I just feel like I’m not cut out for this dating game or whatever you want to call it. I don’t know what’s going to happen this year as far as my love life goes. But my faith in love is hanging by a string at this point. I don’t want to give up but it’s very tempting. It’s said that the man is supposed to find the woman not the other way around. Here’s to hoping the one that’s made for me will find me because I haven’t had much luck at going out to find him.

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Author:

Human. Black. Artist. Athlete.

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