Grief Sucks

I hate grief. Grief sucks and I’m honestly tired of it. It’s mentally draining and physically tiring. I’ve lost all of my grandparents in less than 2 years (may they all rest peacefully in Heaven). I feel like I have nothing left to give emotionally.

I’m angry and want justice for my grandmother who’s life was taken. I miss my grandmother that was a big part of my life literally from when I was just days old up until I became a homeowner. I miss my grandfather and how he’d always remembered things that I would’ve never remembered.

It feels like I have been grieving forever. Just as I was finally getting to a good point of acceptance, I get punched in the gut and have to start the grieving process over again. I never thought I would have to deal with losing them this way. They were supposed to see me get married if I ever did. They were supposed to meet their great grand children if I ever had kids. Now they won’t.

It’s been such a hard thing to deal with but I know eventually it’ll be okay. But I need time. Now more than ever. Grief sucks and I hate it.

Stop Killing Us

How many more people have to be murdered for gun laws to change? How many more Black people do we have to lose in order for the community to make a change? Not to say that we haven’t progressed but we still have a long way to go.

We just lost another Black life way too soon. Rest In Peace Nipsey. Peace, love and support to Lauren and their kids, family and friends. I probably know the least about him but I’m still sad that his life was taken at only 33. That’s only 5 years older than me.

This still hits close to home because of so many reasons. No parent should have to bury their child. No child should have their parent taken away from them at such an early age. A spouse should not have to bury someone they love because of something like this. This is wrong. So very wrong.

There are too many people who are reliving this situation because of their own experiences with gun violence. Peace, love and support to those who are being reminded of their experience as well.

No human being on this earth is perfect. But from what I see/read and hear, Nipsey was really trying to make an impact in his community. That has been the common thread thus far.

But we all know as time goes on more things are going to come out about him good and bad. He was human. He had flaws. He needed to grow. He needed to make changes. He was also a good guy to Lauren. He was a good father. He was a man of his community.

All of these things can be true. Good does not negate bad and bad does not negate the good. I need more people to understand that. All of our favorites are problematic in some way. I, myself can be problematic too. We’re human. We’re not perfect and that’s okay. We all need to see that we are all complex. We are multiple things all in one.

As a Black community we are all that we have. We have to hold each other accountable. We have to support. We have to invest. We have to uplift. We have to educate. We have to love.

You can’t take pro Black if you continue to take part in oppression of those who are different from you. Recognize that Black people come in every shade of brown/black from the lightest to the darkest.

Recognize that Black people come in all shapes and sizes. Recognize that Black people are a part of the LGBTQA+ community. Recognize that we are human beings most of all. Every single one of us.

If you’re gonna claim being pro Black then that means you are for EVERYONE who’s is Black no matter what background. This world has shown us time and time again that it doesn’t respect us. “We all we got.” Nipsey’s famliy deserves justice and the person who took his life can rot under the jail.

STOP KILLING US.

Sorry not Sorry Kanye

Let’s be honest here for a second. This will be the last I ever speak of Kanye West. In my opinion he has lost his mind and there’s no coming back from it. His latest behavior has been appalling to say the least. Some may say it was just antics to get attention for his album.

Some may say he’s just being himself or whatever. But I call BS. For him to be a so called “genius” he could’ve done a lot better at figuring out ways to grab attention for his album. But he didn’t and here we are. His mother, Dr. Donda (may she Rest In Peace) can’t be too happy with what he is doing and saying.

He is not only a descendant of slaves but also of the Black Panther Party. So I don’t understand, nor do I care to at this point, how he can support the head POS in charge #45 and say slavery was “a choice”. In his own words HOW SWAY? This “new” Kanye is a complete 180 from the old Kanye. Of course as a human being you have every right to evolve as time goes on. But you’re supposed to get better and smarter not the opposite. At least that’s what I thought anyway.

I was a huge fan of his from College Dropout to Late Registration. Everything after that I couldn’t really get with. And I actually tried because I was a fan. By then it was the beginning of the end for me as a fan of his. I honestly felt hurt and angry when I learned that he supports a racist president and insulted my ancestors by saying slavery was a choice. False Prophets by J. Cole instantly came to mind. That song was prophetic in a way and aged well.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not one to put celebrities on a pedestal. I think we shouldn’t put people in that space because they’re not perfect and that’s okay because they’re human. But at the same time I believe that people with a platform should use their voices to help and not hurt.

I don’t think he realizes the harm he has done to his fans and the everyday people who don’t live in the celebrity bubble. By him saying “slavery was a choice”, another war has been ignited. He has now solidified what racist people have been thinking and saying for centuries. He has become a new one man minstrel show shucking and jiving to entertain the white folks.

I’m done. I will no longer support this guy. Everyone’s fav has shown his complete ass. There is no “separate the art from the person” in this case. What he’s done is detrimental and he doesn’t even realize it. I can’t even listen to the old Kanye without thinking about his behavior and his asinine statements. At this point I’m just going to have to delete everything.

Sorry not Sorry Kanye. You’ve lost a fan.

Tired, Living While Black

It’s amazing how black people and people of color move through and prosper through this trash society. Literally everything is against us at every turn. But still we continue to create. We still continue to work. We still continue to live. We are literally the strongest people on this earth…and the most hated.

White fragility is very real. White privilege is very real. As we’ve seen in the past, these last two weeks specifically, we literally cannot exist because a white person feels “uncomfortable” or feels “unsafe” when they see us for merely existing, not bothering anyone. White people will call the cops for anything and everything because they know they will be protected no questions asked. A white woman can shed one tear and she will be protected no questions asked.

It’s not fair and hasn’t been fair. Black people are born with an unfair advantage because of this trash society. One thing I know is that karma always comes back around. All of these people who are acting as if they are invincible, the ancestors will wreak havoc on them in some way, shape or form.

Living in this society is exhausting. There are too many people who leave their homes thinking “will I make it back home?” “I hope I don’t run into the police today.” “I hope no one calls the police on me today.” “I hope I don’t get profiled today.” EVERY SINGLE DAY WE ARE LIVING LIKE THIS. On top of the many other stresses of life, this is what it is to be black in America. For centuries we have been dealing with racism in every shape. WE ARE TIRED.

There is a lingering anger that has been brewing for generations. We’ve turned our pain into art. We continue to make strides and navigate through a racist society that doesn’t care about us even in the slightest way. We are telling our own stories. But people still want to exploit us in every way possible. It’s a constant fight for our own humanity.

A white person can never live a day in our shoes even on their best day. If I came from a people who stole everything from other people and have no culture of my own I would be highly embarrassed. Black people are the creators, the innovators. Yet we literally have to pray that we can live another day in a racist, hateful world.

WE ARE TIRED.

This is America.

History Repeats Itself

I will never understand why we still have to say black lives matter. Is it 2017 or 1950? These days I can’t tell. Race relations are as alive today as they were back then.

WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS.

WE DESERVE BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.

If all lives truly mattered there wouldn’t be a black lives matter movement. Point blank. This is not and will never be up for debate. Now more than ever people have the need to open their mouths to spew out hate openly thinking there won’t be any consequences because of a certain ass clown that got elected as president somehow.

But listen up. I’m not the one. Nor will I ever be. I treat people as humans first until someone wants to say/do something stupid regarding a person’s  appearance to an innocent person or persons. These are trying times and we have to stand up for what’s right bottom line. I have to hold myself and those who I associate with accountable at all times.

I WILL NOT ACCEPT RACISM OR ANY TYPE OF DISCRIMINATION. EVER.

Why is it that I have to walk around on guard even more now? Not only do I have to look out for egotistical, entitled “men” everywhere I go, but I also have to be on guard for the racists assholes (men and women) who feel like they have to share their unsolicited opinions.

I have zero tolerance for a lot more now that I’m getting older. Even the slightest hint of something derogatory or racist or anything similar gets nipped right then and there. I don’t owe anybody anything and I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. A lot of people don’t realize that I can and will hold my own even if I’m standing by myself. People constantly make the assumption oh I’m just a kid I don’t know anything.

NEWS FLASH. You should never assume anything about anyone because 9 times out of 10 you’re wrong. Especially with me because I’m grown as hell and far from an idiot. More importantly, I’m just getting started. I will forever be a student and a teacher of my culture. Those who don’t like it can keep it moving. Far away from me.

I’m tired of seeing my people being mistreated and murdered for something as simple as their skin color. We get made fun of for creating new things and then get them stolen from us. When will the hate end? We created the world yet we are the most hated people on the planet.

But we still keep going. You can’t tell me that black people aren’t the strongest as they come. We have endured the most. And we are still dealing with centuries of embedded hate of every kind in every way. But we are tired. It’s 2017 and we STILL aren’t t treated as human beings. We are STILL FIGHTING.

My generation has risen. We have an absolute zero tolerance for racism and discrimination. We aren’t brainwashed by the bs “news” that the big media companies spits out daily. Our eyes are wide open and we are teaching our children that they can make a difference and to love themselves unapologetically. We’ve come a long way but we still have a long way to go because the powers that be are teaching generational hate down the line.

We have the power. We just have to use it. We can’t turn on each other and spew out hate against our own. That’s not an option. Not now not ever. We make our own standard. Stop looking to others to see if you fit theirs.

BLACK LIVES MATTER. ALWAYS. FOREVER.