Today I ask myself the seemingly age old question of when is it going to be my turn? I found out that a family friend’s son is having his first kid. So that means yet another person that I know is getting what I want. Every time I turn around someone is getting what I want, what I pray for. In this last week I found out about another engagement, another marriage and now a pregnancy.
I hate myself for not being as excited as I should be but I can’t help but ask when is it my turn? Here I am still trying to deal with all of this grief along with stress from work and trying to make my relationship work. While everyone else is getting what I want. I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others and I have to run my own race but right now it’s hard. I feel like I’m behind yet again. All I want to do is cry because I always feel like I am behind.
I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself to not compare, God put promises on my heart that will come to pass and that my turn will come and things will turn around. But today was rough. I want to be happy for everyone and I don’t want to step on their moment because it’s not about me. But it’s hard right now. Everyone deserves to enjoy their moments and I would want them to be happy for me.
So I need to straighten up. I would honestly rather be by myself when I feel this way because I don’t want bring bad or sad energy around happy moments. I want to get passed this feeling because it sucks.